Update - LOOOOONG TIME

Well, it's been a while. A lot has happened since my last post. First of all, I haven't really worked out. Secondly, I haven't really been watching my diet. We went on vacation, which was SO much fun! Of course, we all got sick. I am still trying to get over my cold. In fact, I have decided I will start exercising again after the long holiday weekend to give myself these last few days to KICK THIS virus I have picked up.

We are busily in the middle of swim lessons and summer mayhem.

I weighed in today and I am actually quite happy. Because, although I haven't been watching my food intake, I haven't been BAD either. Before I left I weighed myself and I was up to 257. I figured a week of food, sun and wine would not do good things for me. Well, I didn't over-indulge and when I got sick I didn't eat much. This morning I weighed in at 255. I am actually happy about this. 1 pound up from my most recent low after a month of not exercising and not being super diet careful isn't bad. I think this is a sign to kick it back in! I'll weigh in again on Monday like always and we'll go from there!

Stuck in the mud

I have had a headache for the past several days. I am NOT feeling any motivation to workout or eat healthy. My husband has been working a lot so I feel like a single mom, although I know that single moms have it WAAAAAAY harder than I do.

I WANT TO STUFF MY FACE. I also want to cry. The weather isn't great, so we aren't doing anything. Plus we are watching our money closely, so I don't feel like we can do anything that costs money.

I know that eating will not help me achieve the things I want to achieve. I KNOW that. But why is food so seductive?

I am also noticing that the closer I am to God, the happier I am and the better I adhere to my diet. I haven't made the time to read my Bible lately, and I wonder if that is part of the problem?

Week 7 Weigh In

254. NO CHANGE. I am actually THRILLED about this because I didn't have a great week and we had company over the weekend which ended yesterday with a big heavy lunch at Red Robin followed by thick milkshakes. They were yummy. I wasn't hungry the rest of the day, so I didn't eat dinner. I did have an ice cream sandwich last night though.

I really want to do well and get below 250. That would be huge for me. I need to buckle down!

Week 6 Weigh In

Well, well, well....
254 this morning. I am VERY happy about this, since I ate about 6 large pizzas a week ago. Okay, not 6, but I ate too much! However, I picked myself up and got right on the dieting bandwagon again. Pretty much unheard of for me to do that.

Yeah me! This means I have lost 19.5 pounds! Double Yippee!

This weight is significant since it is my lowest weight in all of 2009 and it is lower than my weight ever was in 2008! My lowest 2008 weight was 256. My new BMI is 40.99.

I am definitely seeing change in my food choices and my will power. I bought my family donuts on Saturday morning because my daughter was begging for them and they haven't had them in a while. I got 2 extra and I ate 0! Side note: I am the only overweight member of the family, and my children eat very healthfully, so things like this are truly a once or twice a year treat.

Also - when I am out and starving, I am making much better food choices. After church we realized we needed to run my child to the doctor. After all that was over it was 3 and I hadn't eaten lunch. He had at least had some raisins and pretzels, but we were both starving. I got a grilled chicken sandwich. From one of my favorite burger places, too.

My next goal is to get below 250. I'll just concentrate on that for now!

Some Things Change and Others Remain the Same

There are a lot of times where I feel like I have really made a positive change in my eating habits. I definitely strive to make better choices at restaurants. I avoid foods I know will set me over the edge. When I have limited options or NO healthy options, I try to have a single serving of what is there and move on.

Until yesterday.

I was at a birthday party we had travelled to and there was pizza and cake. Seriously, that was it. I had 2 pieces of pizza because I was starving and had no cake. I was feeling proud of myself. See, pizza has always been a weak point for me. Also, it is important that while I lose weight, I also come up with habits that are sustainable in the real world. I was okay with my choices.

Then we left and the hostess insisted we take pizza with us. A LOT of pizza and we were stuck in the car for 5 hours. It turned ugly. I wasn't even hungry, but bored and it was THERE.

I have a long way to go and I feel sick and mad at myself today. BUT, I cannot change what I did. The next thing I need to avoid is turning it into a week long binge. I am doing so well and I want to keep it up!

Week 5 Weigh In

Since this is the holiday weekend, I thought I'd weigh in a day early. I am down 2 pounds to 257. Honestly, I am stunned, because I had wine many nights this week and I wasn't stellar with my following the WW points. However, I was nowhere near as bad as was my norm prior to starting this diet. Plus I had three great elliptical workouts.

Preschool is officially over, and I need to get into my groove for summer. Not just a schedule for us to kind of follow, but when I will schedule in my workouts. I am more determined than ever. The next two days will be bad, but I am going to make the best choices I have available.

Week 4 Weigh In

Weekly weigh in (drum roll please)

259, for a weekly loss of 1.5 and a total loss of 14.5. I am trying REALLY hard to be happy about this. I really wanted to have a bigger week, however, I am really happy to see 25 as the first two digits of my weight.

Highlights of this week:

• I started physical therapy this week for my back/hip. It is going well! I am not in any pain, and am able to do the strengthening and stretches without any problem.
• I had several great sessions on my elliptical. I also went on a few walks, so the exercise is starting to get there.

The worst part of the week would have been the cookies I made as a gift. A nice idea, except the container wasn't big enough for all of them and I had some extra. Now, I didn't binge like I normally would, but I ate more than I would have liked to.

SO, I need to move on and get over it. I would really like to try to lose at least 2 pounds every week. I know I am going to be having wine this week at least twice, so I need to be extra good with the food.

PLUS, I am currently at my lowest weight for 2009, but to get to pass my lowest weight for 2008 I need to be LOWER than 256. SO, in three more pounds I will be at my lowest 2008 weight. I think that would be pretty cool!

SO, my new goal is to lose 3.5 pounds to be at my lowest weight for 2008 AND 2009!

May Stinks... and so does Cod

So, I made a Cod dish on Monday. I put WAY too much cayenne pepper in it and it was almost intolerable to eat. Of course my husband liked it! The problem is that my house STILL smells like Cod. And YES, I took out the garbage and YES I cleaned the dishes I cooked with/ate on and YES I cleaned my cooking surfaces. UGH. Stinky!

The other stinky thing is that the weather SUCKS right now. It has been rainy and overcast and I am ready to just get summer started already. I know it will be hot and humid, but let's get this puppy going!

I feel very confident and strong with my weight loss efforts. I watched the Biggest.Loser.Finale last night and was SO motivated by those people! Their weight loss is staggering and I know there isn't a slightest chance that I will lose at that rate, nor do I want to! How does your body cope with dropping 140 pounds in 6 months? Craziness! I am proud of myself because I have been doing very well. I am not doing perfect, but life isn't perfect and if I have to BE perfect to lose the weight I want to then I might as well give up. I have to learn to live with the imperfections of my dieting and exercising just like I live with my personality imperfections.

I worked out on the elliptical yesterday for 45 minutes. I WORKED OUT ON THE ELLIPTICAL YESTERDAY FOR 45 MINUTES. Crazy! I felt amazing afterward! So proud of myself. I'll get there. It will not be tomorrow, next month or not even next year. But I will get there.

Week 3 Weigh In

Let's get straight to business. This morning my weight was 260.5, down 2.5 since last week. I am very happy with this. VERY HAPPY! Especially since yesterday morning I "snuck" a peek and was at 262.5. HOWEVER, I just went along with my day (which was Mother's Day) and did as normal with a few exceptions.

I was careful all last week with food. I counted points, used my flex points as needed and I needed to use them all! Saturday was a huge challenge because we had two parties to go to, one over lunch and one over dinner. Luckily the lunch party was more like a circus and my kids were going crazy and I didn't have a chance to eat. I ended up getting Wendys.chili afterward. The dinner party was more subdued and they served fajitas. I had one steak fajita and it was delicious. I had no alcohol because I knew weigh in was pending.

Yesterday was Mother's Day and it was pretty nice. My husband made me my favorite dinner that he makes and even got me a king sized rice crispy bar, which is my favorite "cheat" when I am watching my calories. See, the whole big bar is a little over 300 calories and I love it. Much better than a pint of ice cream or a king sized serving of peanut butter cups!

SO, I am pleased with my weekly weigh in of 2.5 down and very pleased with my total progress of 13 pounds down. This week will probably be tough, so I need to stay focused. I'd love to break into the 250's. I think that is feasible, as long as my body doesn't turn into a water-bloated sponge!

Ortho News

I saw the orthopedic doc yesterday and things are looking good! I definitely have some issues, but I feel like it is manageable. She believes my problem is with my SI joint. Also, I believe I will NOT see the Chiropractor again. Don't get me wrong, I think that they can work miracles, but I am not comfortable with some of the neck/head stuff he was doing. She thinks that chiropractor is not necessary for me to get strong and reduce future problems. I also got some prescriptions and some appointments with a physical therapist.

On the food note, I think I am getting somewhere! I am doing so well with my points and I am not living entirely on junk food! When I want something that is typically considered a dieting no-no, I have it and plan my food for the rest of the day accordingly. It is working okay for me now! I feel very empowered about my weight loss now!

I also made another fish dish. I made tilapia with Dijon cream sauce. It was YUMMY!

Week 2 Weigh In

Bright and early Monday morning and the scale is 263. This means I have lost 3.5 since last week and 10.5 since I started two weeks ago. YIPPEE! My BMI is 42.4, which means I am still morbid obese. I am very happy with my progress this week. I only exercised one day last week and although I did use all of my flex points, I used most of them in one day, so I wasn't sure if that would hurt me at all.

I feel in control and excited about things now! I definitely need to do a better job at eating vegetables, limiting my caffeine and making exercise a priority. However, I got fat after years and years of trying really hard, so I assume it will take a while to lose it, even if I try really hard!

Saturday Update

What a week this has been!

This week is the week that Swine.Flu (H1N1) came to the United States. We actually have a confirmed case right down the street. Fun times, fun times. Of course, complete pandemonium has ensued and people are FREAKING OUT. From what I understand there is no vaccine for this. I ALSO understand that what we have been seeing is more MILD than the normal influenza A, which at any given times thousands of people have it in the US and no one cares. UGH.

On the exercise front, I've been a miserable failure. Monday I did my normal exercising. I was pretty happy about that. Tuesday I went for a walk and ended up with a huge painful blister on my heel which has turned disgusting. Of course, it was my own fault. I have these CUTE shoes I wear out and about and I decided that there was no need to get my tennis shoes on for freaking WALKING, so these should be fine. WRONG. Wednesday I did no exercising because I was cleaning. I literally spent an hour scrubbing the grout in my shower. Friday was no preschool thank you to the Swine Flu pandemic and I cleaned as well. Plus I was grumpy.

SO... how have I done with food? Technically, I am doing fine. I have used ALL of my flex points already (more on that later). Of course, in using those flex points I was shoveling everything in my mouth. Good times, good times. We decided to go out to dinner on Wednesday. I won't name the place we went, but it is a well known burger joint. I was in a good place and decided to be righteous and order the grilled chicken. I sat there in my WW glow feeling superior to the poor saps around me gorging themselves on burger and fries. I even had a salad on the side. Seriously, if it had rained I could have walked on top of the water puddles to my mom-vehicle to come home. I came home feeling all good about myself, went to the restaurants website and checked out the nutrition information to track the points. I was shocked, awed and disgusted in what I saw. Apparently they rub the chicken in freaking lard before cooking it. I counted the points and pouted and then ate teddy grahams (because that is all I have to indulge in). LOTS of points. Anyone with higher than a 2nd grade education would tell me that I should have checked out the nutritional information ahead of time. I would have if I had more than 2 minutes to get myself and my kids out the door.

BUT, even with the lard encrusted chicken and teddy grahams (which I have eaten nearly the whole box) I counted the points and used most of my flex points in one evening. So technically I am doing WW how it was intended when I originally bought the stuff. But I feel cheated in that I like to enjoy my flex points and wish I didn't use them all on freaking chicken!

I did have a sneak peek on the scale and it doesn't look like I have completely screwed myself up yet. We'll see what comes on Monday!

Week 1 - Weigh In!

I survived week 1!

Weight this morning: 266.5
Weight last week: 275.5
Weight Loss: 9.0
New BMI: 43 (Still Morbidly Obese)

Other Achievements this week

• I journaled EVERY bite I took
• I exercised four days!
• I made fish one day - this is big for me, because I have never liked it and never made it
• I did not use all of my flex points for the week, but I used most of them. Most importantly I never went completely overboard!

So I am down 9, but really 7 from the first weigh in! This is definitely my lowest weight so far for 2009. I'd like to pass my lowest weight from 2008, which was 257, so that is my goal in the next few weeks!

Saturday - Day 6

So, I won't be counting down ever single day, but I don't know the date and don't want to look it up!

WOW, it is amazing what can change in a week. One week ago I was asking my husband to make a donut run. Seriously, I need donuts like I need a hole in my freaking head. Today I am sitting with my daughter putting puzzles together (well, she is) and I am looking through ww recipes trying to find some good recipes. I am STOKED at how well I've done so far. I have definitely used my flex points.... but not all of them. I made hamburger.helper last night which sucked and was 13 points and I realized that I need to change what I am cooking so I can have food that doesn't take as many points and may possibly taste better. Of course, it was what I had and typically the kids will eat it and we are really watching pennies so I didn't want to spend money when we had food here.

NOW I am planning on making fish. I typically detest fish and anything like it. However, it is good for me and low in points. I can choke down a fish dish at least once a week I think. SO, we'll try it.

Yesterday I did 25 minutes on the elliptical and toning and abs too! I have journaled everything I ate and drank too. I even had wine and counted it all. I cannot remember a time in the last several years that I actually adhered to a diet program for any period of time much less 5 consecutive days. It reassures me that I chose the right diet plan for this phase of my weight loss. I need to be better about food choices and eating veggies. That is a HUGE downfall for me. When you have a 13 pt serving of hamb.helper and no veggies, that isn't healthy in anyone's books.

Anyway, I am feeling very encouraged. Not to mention that I stepped on the scale and am looking at seeing a reduction in weight. YIPPEE! I need to remember this isn't just about weight. I can be skinny and unhealthy too, but that beats fat and healthy! Seriously, if I am doing this for long term health I need to eat more veggies, drink less diet pop (I am addicted), and get my water in.

In a nut shell, I have a long way to go, but at least I started!

April 23, 2009

Three days in a row where I have been on program! WOO HOO! This has to be some kind of record. Yesterday I logged 25 minutes on the elliptical plus I did abs and arms. I am looking forward to the time I can endure higher intensity workouts, but for now I am just happy that I am DOING them!

Today will be a challenge. I have a doctor's appointment to discuss my back problems with a real orthopedic doctor and I have to take both kids with me. Hopefully we won't be waiting for 3 hours like the last time I had to take them with me to a doctor.

Sometimes I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror from a random angle and I cannot BELIEVE how far out of control I have gotten. I know that we all are a little out of touch with how we look to other people that see us 3D from all angles. I remember when I had lost a lot of weight before I would make my husband point out people that were approximately the same size as I was, because although I weighed around 140 pounds, in my head I still looked like I weighed 200. Now I feel like I have the opposite thing going on. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I look at cute and everything, but I also don't think I realize how BIG I actually appear to other people.

Enough of that negativity! The good part is, I am doing something about it.

April 22, 2009

Well, I have successfully made it through TWO days on the wagon. YIPPEE! The was a lot of good food at the play date yesterday and I had all of 3 cheese squares and some cauliflower. She served us lunch and I had some pasta salad and regular green salad. It was good, I had smallish portions and I COUNTED THE POINTS. I think I over estimated a little and I made broccoli cheese soup for dinner. It was not a weight watchers recipe and I calculated the points and counted them. I will admit I was quite hungry last night, but didn't want to eat after 8:00.

SO, my short term goals are as follows:

1. Calculate the points on everything and journal everything
2. Do not eat after 8:00
3. Work toward eating all of the required vegetables and drink all of the water required.

After I feel that I am comfortably doing this I can set new goals for myself.

I feel pretty good so far. I think I made the right diet plan choice for myself at this point in my weight loss journey.

As a side note... the kids did great at the play date and were EXHAUSTED after. It was a wonderful long nap for little guy!

Day 2.........

I actually made it all the way through the first day of my new ww diet. I journaled everything I put in my mouth and I am so proud. It is really sad that a big victory for me is that I actually stayed "on" plan for one whole freaking day on a diet. BUT, that is the low that I had sunk to. I had gotten so out of control that I couldn't even make it through one freaking day without eating half of my kitchen.

I have TONS of room for improvement. First of all, I need to reacquaint myself with this thing called a vegetable. I have heard about it and I suspect that I own some because my children eat them, but I need to identify and eat. Of course I will not be perfect overnight.... or ever.

Now for the truly shocking revelation..... I worked out on my elliptical machine yesterday for 20 minutes. Holy Moly.

Now to survive the play date. Hopefully I can just say no and go on about my day. I refuse to turn down opportunities to make friends and socialize because I am either too embarrassed about how I look or because I am afraid I will be surrounded by tempting foods.

It makes me sad to admit this, but actually staying on program for one whole day has given me confidence. I was so lacking in confidence that I didn't even think I could make it through one day. I have endured so many hard times in my life. I have accomplished amazing things, but my weight is the one thing that I failed at and the one thing that made every accomplishment moot. Instead of assessing my value as a child of God or as a person with love and accomplishments I have put all of my value on my failure to lose weight, or on my fatness. It's pathetic, because I would never assess another person based on weight.

Monday - Starting WW

Well I weighed in this morning and I managed to gain 2 pounds last week. I am hoping it is water retention and will go away quickly! It's pretty depressing, to be honest.

On the positive side, I went for a walk yesterday with the family and did some resistance training and crunches. I have to strengthen the muscles on my back so this won't happen again. My back is feeling SO much better, it is unbelievable. I'll be taking little man on a walk in a while.

I am starting the WW plan today. I have all of my old materials out, calculated how many points I should be eating (roughly 1,000 thanks to my weight) and am ready to go.

Sunday Fun....

I am finally feeling recovered (for the most part) from my back muscle strain. I actually started some of my strength training today with hand weights for arms and back and crunches. I am about to go for a walk, as soon as my little guy decides to take a nap.

The food hasn't been great, but I have reviewed my WW stuff and am starting tomorrow! We've had a great weekend with lots of rain, but the house is in good shape and our laundry is caught up!

Friday, Friday!

Good news, everything went fine with the mammogram and I am A-OK.

MORE good news (can you handle it) is that my back is better. I am still super stiff, but the sharp pain I've been dealing with for 3 weeks now is SO much better.

Not so good news... I have been eating a LOT and I drank a bottle of wine. Wine is my big downfall. However, I am not discouraged at all, because now that my back is better I can start getting exercise again and the food will come. I am going to follow weight watchers with the old materials that I have and that is that!

I went to the park today with my youngest (oldest was in school) and I looked around at all the moms. Some are skinny and even one or two were bigger than I am. My goal is that next year at this time, I go and do not obsess about how fat my butt looks in my pants. Actually, I didn't obsess about it today much, but I definitely feel like an NFL linebacker playing football with a bunch of 5 year olds!

Easter Candy....

I will be SO happy when the Easter candy is out of the house! I think if I had older children they would know exactly how many of every type of candy they were given and they would be mad if something was missing. With my kids, they don't know so there is no drama surrounding me stealing a jelly bean or 50. Yeah, that means it is my kids' fault that I am fat. It is totally their fault. Not the Easter bunnies fault for buying the crap or my fault for having zero self control.

Today I have my first mammogram so that should be.... fun? No, but at least I am doing it. It is diagnostic so I will leave with the all clear or I guess not all clear and go about my life!

On the positive side, after 3 weeks, I am slowly starting to think that my back is getting better. The original injury site still hurts really bad, but in general my pain level is decreasing and I am getting around better. Of course, the rest of my back is stiff because of my lack of activity. I am hoping to change the lack of activity part very soon!

Car, Train or Airplane?

Right now I am not following any "diet" plan, other than trying NOT to eat everything in front of my face. If I need to lose this weight (starting with the first 60), I need a plan. I think which diet plan I choose is more important than ever since I am recovering from a painful back strain and cannot really move. The way I look at it there are three options for "diet" plans that are best for me:
1. South Beach Diet
2. Weight Watchers
3. Common Sense

I have been successful in the short term with both SB and WW. Obviously common sense hasn't worked for me or I wouldn't be in a position to need to lose half of myself. HOWEVER, I AM of the opinion that in the long term diets don't work. I really don't think they do. They help to lose weight and they have "maintenance" programs or whatever, but I don't think they work for ME. I think for a lot of people they do, but NOT ME.

So, I am throwing out #3 because obviously the kind of common sense I have with regards to dieting would work better as a cave person or bear storing up for the winter.

Now, pros and cons. These are pros and cons for ME, not any other dieter because I am sure other people would mostly make better choices for me.

SB
PROS

• My husband likes this diet best, so he'd be more helpful
• Once on this diet a few days, the sugar cravings really do go away
• I was successful in losing 20 pounds before, but quickly gained it back
• It forces me to heat the most healthfully
• I have the book and many cookbooks

CONS (for me)

• Too much prep time - I feel like I have to "cook" every single meal. This basically boils down to me not being a good cook and not liking to do it only for me
• Not very flexible - since there are so many thing you CANNOT eat, when I am in a situation and I eat something not necessarily high in calories but not "approved" on SB, I tend to feel like I have completely blown the diet and pig out all day long (and maybe for the next few days). Normal people wouldn't have this problem, they'd probably have the snack/whatever and go about their day. NOT ME!

WW

Pros

• Flexible because you can eat anything, as long as you do not go over your daily points
• I am anal and something like this where you are counting and calculating works for me
• I lost over 50 pounds on this and kept it off for 2 years, so I've had some success
• I have all of the materials from 7 years ago when I lost the weight and many cookbooks.

Cons

• When I did it before, I tended not to make the healthiest choices. If I only had 18 points to eat, I may have had a snickers bar, 2 tacos and grapes.

Obviously for me, the smartest thing to do would probably be to marry both plans together. Money is an issue for us, so I need to plan meals that are inexpensive and healthy. Sounds easy enough, right? I have to make this work this time, because if I don't I will NOT be around for my kids and that makes me sad.

More Information...

Because I am a glutton for punishment, I decided to find out what my BMI is. It is 44.1 which is in the morbidly obese catergory. I'm no medical professional, but I don't think that is good...

The Beginning....

For every journey there has to be a beginning, or a starting place. That starting place for me is today.

Now, when you decide you need to go somewhere, there needs to be a reason.... The reason for my journal is that I need to get healthy. Somewhere in the last 30 some years I have managed to add approximately 266 pounds to my normal 7 pound birthweight. So, for the mathematically blessed that would mean that I weight around 273 pounds. 273.5 to be exact. Obviously I didn't gain over 100 pounds overnight, so the thought has occurred to me many times that I needed to get a handle on my weight.

A good friend of mine told me that I would receive a "wake up call" that would finally get me going. Well, I got a couple of calls. One was the result of my cholesterol test I just had taken which came up with a result of 272. Yes, my cholesterol is just slightly less than what I weigh. And it's a lot! Secondly, I hurt my back. Bad. If had a little bit of core muscle strength, it wouldn't have happened. I've been laid up for several weeks now and am not feeling very positive.

Luckily I have my faith and I am determined to do something. I may not be able to move much, but I can still control what I put in my mouth. Hopefully, this blog will track my recovery from my back injury and weight loss.

Today is the start and I am planning on weighing in every Monday and to chart my progress from the prior week. My first goal that I am counting down to is my cholesterol retest in six months. My goal is to have my retest in the middle of October, so let's say October 15th. That is 185 days from today. I would like to lose 60 pounds by then. I don't know if it is realistic given the fact that my back is messed up, but I hope that it will be better soon so I can start exercising.......